You Know You're Old ......

[CanMan]

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember...
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..
8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbours are deaf, too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
10. Don't even think about trying it twice

. .. .. . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . . ... ... . . . . . . .. . . .

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,'
and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN....
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor
instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot..

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN.....
You're not sure if these are facts
or jokes.

 

[Mama Mangia]

that's a good one -

 

[Cook Chatty Cathy]

I like these....I loved the one about going bra-less, that really cracked me up! Oh yeah and the alligator shoes....ye-e-e-owwww

 

[jpshaw]

OMG I wish I hadn't read that. Reminds me of the "You Might Be A Redneck" book by Jeff Foxworthy. Too many are landing too close to me.

 

[jglass]

That is hilarious.

 

[Dilbert]

I had one of them quick repartee thingies . . .

but I've forgotten what it was . . .

 

[chubbyalaskagriz]

I sure needed a laugh- this is HILARIOUS, CanMan!