What do you think?

Is it better to spare the cooks feeling and lie when dinner is not so good?
I would prefer people tell me honestly what they think of my food but is it better to be polite and fib?
We went to my MIL's for dinner yesterday and the steaks were as tough as the bottom of your shoe lol. She had gotten steaks with zero marbling in them and cut any she found on the edges off. Then her hubby way over cooked them on the grill.
I lied and said they were good.
Reminded me of last years 4th of July when Jons friend cooked my boneless skinless chicken breast on the grill for one hour and fourty five minutes. I soaked that thing in salad dressing to get it down lol.

Well - you don't want to turn our in-laws into outlaws! LOL

I would have politely started a conversation about purchasing steaks at such-and-such store/butcher and they have that wonderful marbling to them and how the marbling effects the cooked steak. When you cooked them on the grill they turned out to be the absolute best. And I would have also brought up the subject of meat/marbling that has been discussed on various cooking sites and on the food network.

Apparently they are so "old-school" with the wrong teachers/advice/beliefs. They are trying to make sure everything is cooked well done - but they have taken it past normal.

Now - seeing just how tough they were - I would have suddenly had a root canal problem and chewing was no fun and I would have stuck to the side dishes.

Why not invite them to your place for a cook-out and make the steaks and see if they can tell the difference? Maybe hubbie can "brag" on how wonderful they turned out and they can get some pointers from you.

Not everyone can cook a steak on the grill (or chicken for that fact). And they shouldn't sell grills to people like that! LOL

Mama you would have to meet my mother in law to understand why I dont want to invite her up lol. She hadnt even bothered to get his brothers cake and had me stop at the grocery store and get one. Told me to get Happy Birthday wrote on it as long as it was free
Jons Mom and Dad both try and cut out fat. His Dad is not as zealous about it as his Mom. It would do zero good for me to explain to her about the need for a little marbling atleast. Any fat = bad in her book.
She has made back handed comments before about my being a better cook than her. I thought about telling her about the steaks but I didnt wanna sound like some smarta** know it all about cooking. Heaven knows I have a heck of a lot to learn myself. I did notice the birthday boy cut up his steak took a couple bites and left the rest on his plate. He was being nice to them lol...if it were me he wouldnt have minded telling me what was wrong lol. I remember what he told me they day I married his brother. Were family now..dont have to be polite to ya anymore lol.

His Dad makes what is supposed to be brown breakfast gravy but since he wont use fat it is basically warmed wallpaper paste. It is soo bad lol. The last few times he made it Jon and I both told him it was way bad. Last time it was sweet. He claimed he used some evaporated milk but Mama that gravy was sweet...like it had sugar in it. Im not sure what he did but it wasnt good.

At first I credited Jons friend over cooking the chicken to the amount of beers he inhaled while cooking but his Mom also over cooks it. They were telling me how afraid they were of under cooked chicken. She is full on Thai and you dont tell her how to cook lol.
I wouldnt want to offend her for anything. Her accent is so thick I only catch about every third word she says.
I tried to explain to him how long you should actually cook chicken breast but he was like you say and very old school about it.

Gee girl - you do have your hands full.

Too bad they don't realize that regardless of what they "believe" - everyone needs fat in their diet - their bodies need it.

And I think they are beyond the old school - they are too obsessive about it.

I wish you the best! Keep you chin up - and don't worry about being a smartypants at all. And don't be afraid to speak up - just let them know that it's a little too well done for your taste buds, it's too hard to chew and the flavor is just not there.

Wallpaper paste for gravy - I don't even want to try to imagine that one!

Janie sounds to me like you are between a rock and a hard place. And you used the beautiful gift of wisdom to handle the situation! Bless your heart, I know how it is and I have always chose to be polite and not utter a word, at home w/ Eddie it is a different subject! LOL

Mama is right though and the question there is: is it worth it? The way you describe the entire "fat" issue I think you are dealing with folks that are totally stuck in their ways and it's wasted breathe to offer any helpful advice to them. Remember we discussed how to make a good fat-free gravy, did you run that past Pa-In-Law? And if so did he even try it? Hey maybe he likes eating paste. hee-hee!

That's always a rough situation, Janie.

Personally, I take a situational ethics approach to this. In plain English, that means, it depends.

In the circumstances you describe I would do exactly what you did; keep my mouth shut and eat enough to be polite. The one thing you don't need, with family, is a feud over something like that. You are not going to change them, and if you get adament about it they'll only resent you.

In those circumstances, if asked, I might say, "they're ok. Not the way I would have cooked them, but everyone's taste is different." If they pursued it after that I would tell them how I'd have cooked it. If not, I would just drop it.

On the other hand, if it's people I know well, who are trying their best, then I might bring it up; either directly, or along lines Mama suggests.

There's a young couple we know, for instance. We all but raised the boy. As a youngster he used to ask, "don't you cook anything normal?" Now he's well on his way to being a gourmet cook. At their house I wouldn't hesitate to say so if something was wrong or not to my liking. With them, rather than resentment, it would lead to a discussion about ways to prepare whatever.

The situations that get to me are the "what do they really mean" ones. That is, you're invited to friends who you know see you as a great cook. And they ask, how was the such & such? What you have to determine, very quickly, is, are they asking because they want to know? Or are they asking because they want your approval? Those are different questions that require very different answers.

The other end, as Chubby can tell you, is when people don't invite you unless they're doing "gourmet," because they don't realize that, like everyone else, we go to dinner parties because of the people, not because of the food. And that fried chicken and cole slaw, served at the right gathering, is as fine as it gets. The problem with being a passionate foodie is that friends often think you're not satisfied with anything excpt top shelf. And that's far from the truth.

As a general rule, over the years thru MUCH trial and error I have learned that cooking is like darned near everything- most folks don't know how to receive even well-intentioned, politely-delivered criticizm, so I feel it's best to hold back. Almost always- but especially when in doubt I will freely lie my azz off about food that is less than edible! Afterall, remember, most every mama of ours raised us with the lesson: "If you can't say anything nice..."

Part of this comes from my growing up in a family where everyone was a severe critic. One could make a platter of PB&J's for my family and the whole bunch would rip apart whomever made them- finding a half-dozen things wrong w/ the stack of sandwiches. It's the weirdest, most dysfunctional thing I've ever seen. It's always bothered me to no end! In fact, it bothers me so, that these days I rarely go to trouble or expense at all to create meals for my family- for they're simply not appreciative enough of the care, time and money that goes into them.

My tribe would sooner have a bucket from KFC than anything remotely gourmet (though, even a trip thru a drive-thru isn't as easy & painless as it should be for this group... one must be careful to include both original AND extra-crispy, as well as bone-free strips & nuggets to accomodate all the wacko preferences... and one also must remember that they prefer the cole slaw from across the street at Popeye's rather than the Colonel's, and for those who don't like KFC's instant mashed potatos we must also get potato salad! See what I mean? Ha!).

Bottom-line for this guest, when it comes to being honest about food that someone makes for me? No matter how it tastes- I am always appreciative. As a pro for so many years, many folks didn't feel comfortable cooking for me, much. They knew I often worked at fancy places and most suffered from feelings of inadequacy when feeding me food from their own kitichens. Often I heard stories from co-workers invited only to pot-lucks or to dessert-parties, and sometimes their feelings were hurt when they learned someone held a dinner and invited them only to the movie or ballgame that took place after the eating was over. So, I always worked hard to put the cook at ease and to show my appreciation of the time, trouble and expense they went to for me- and more often than not, my feedback was genuine. Very rarely did I find myself lying thru my teeth! And on those occasions when a white lie was told, in the long-run telling the lie saved a lot of heart-ache!

I prefer air on the side of caution and be polite too. Im lucky all of the people I cook for prefer good old southern cooking which is what Im best at.
If the rest of the family were foodies then maybe I could approach the subject of preparing things better but not with Jons family. His Mom is kinda funny about that cause she knows I kinda replaced her at his Dads as the cook for family get togethers. They got divorced the year before Jon and I got married.
I was debating should I say anything about the steak and I was thinking I should be grateful for steak period but you know what..I would rather have one on my tender roasted chickens than a dry piece of new york strip any day.
My younger sister is more like me. She would prefer you were honest and shared with her how to prepare it better. Jons Dad has trouble even hearing the pitch of my voice. He worked around heavy machinery for years and where Im higher pitch he has trouble hearing me. I have to remember to try and talk in my big boy voice around him lol.
Those two kill me with trying to cut so much fat. Its like I made the ham for the holidays for several years then their Dad wants to make it one year. Everyone always bragged about mine ..I make it very typical with the brown sugar/honey glaze. I cut off some of the fat but you have to leave some for taste and to make sure the ham is moist. Their Dad thought it should all be cut off.
His Dad got a cheap pressed thing and cooked it with nothing on it. It was bad..no one said a word about it. Next year I was back on ham AND turkey and have been ever since. I know he only did that cause he was trying to see how it was without the added glaze and minus the evil fat layer.

Their Mom used to be a great cook from what they say but she doesnt cook often now and when she does she alters her food to cut out the fat so much she zaps out the flavor. Cooking skills are something you need to use..cant pull them out 3-4 times a year for a full out meal and expect to be on top of your game. His Dad had his nose busted in an accident when he was 18 and cant smell much or taste well so atleast he has an excuse lol. Im gonna just have to take him dinner one evening but make it all breakfast food and show him you can use turkey sasuage and still make delish gravy.

Now the Thai friends Mom wants to teach me to make her eggrolls. Which Jon says were his fav til I started making them. I found a recipe online and tweaked it to our taste. Jon goes just tell her you make them on your own and take them some of yours. I was like no freakin way lol. Ill go for my lesson and love every minute of it and thank her very much when were done

Great story, janie! And good for you!

I absolutely love Asian food, so the eggrolls you describe sound yummy, janie! I also love fresh spring rolls.

Asiain cuisine is a style I never wanted to learn to cook myself though, rather, I've chosen to let it remain a mysterious enigma so that I can enjoy it more when I dine out and order it in. I have a friend who's offered to share her sushi-rolling expertise, but I always opt out for that reason... Weird, huh?

Many chefs are the same way w/ baking and chocolate work- they love eating it all, but prefer not to know a thing about how it's actually done- to keep it "magical", I guess!

I would love to broaden my skills and learn to cook asian food.
Always making southern type food makes me want to try something totally differnt some days.
I know Im not patient enough to roll sushi lol.

When they first mentioned teaching me to cook some Thai dishes they thought I couldnt cook anything. I could tell from the way they talked to me about cooking they didnt think I could do anything in the kitchen. I made a point to take the Dad some homemade bread, soups, chili & roasted chicken. NOW they know Im not a total imcompetent in the kitchen lol. I have to stay on the Moms good side..she is my fish sauce supplier lol.

>Their Mom used to be a great cook from what they say...<

My mom was a great cook. Nothing particularly gourmet. But what she did she did very well. Just basic home cooking.

And then she started listening to her doctors. And pretty soon she was the freeist person on earth: salt free, fat free, spice free, juiciness free----and, in general, flavor free. I remember on one visit going out with Friend Wife for a sandwich just so we could taste the food.

Thankfully she grew out of that phase, and went back to cooking for real. But that was a rough period for anyone who ate at her house.

Sounds like my MIL.
Atleast your Mom grew out of it. Been 10 years and this one is still going strong.
Why bother cooking at all when you cook like that?

I re-read some entries here...

RE: "The other end, as Chubby can tell you, is when people don't invite you unless they're doing "gourmet," because they don't realize that, like everyone else, we go to dinner parties because of the people, not because of the food. And that fried chicken and cole slaw, served at the right gathering, is as fine as it gets. The problem with being a passionate foodie is that friends often think you're not satisfied with anything excpt top shelf. And that's far from the truth.[/QUOTE]

...and I definitely have to agree with KYH. Folks get this idea that those who cook for a living, those who enjoy the best of the best, or those who identify as "foodies" have no appreciation for plain, ordinary home-cooking. Not so. Not so , at all.

I worked with a knowledgable restaurant manager once who was older than dirt and second-only-to-Moses in experience. Harry used to remark that when a restaurant was losing money, a sharp manager really needed to keep his eye on waiters and waitresses... 'cause given their druthers, servers always would opt for lobster over a chicken leg- even if they had to swipe it!- ...and that cooks were happy with a buttered dinner roll after a long hard shift of slinging surf n' turf and cherries jubilee!

Me? Hell... I'm as happy w/ a baloney sandwich or a plate of mama's elbow-macaroni goulash as I am anything!

>I'm as happy w/ a baloney sandwich or .....<

Don't do that to me, Chubby.

Fried baloney on light bread; a hunk of rat cheese; and a bottle of RC cola. Lunch doesn't get any better than that.

You want gourmet? Toss a handful of batter-fried pickles on the plate.

Absolutely, Brook!

And I've said it before- the best meal I've ever had in my whole life was blue-boxed Kraft mac & cheese and boiled hot dogs made by my young niece & nephew!

KYHeirloomer said:

You want gourmet? Toss a handful of batter-fried pickles on the plate.

Click to expand...

You are so funny, that line cracked me up, but it is right!

Yeah, Janie, it's true. And what most of them don't realize is that the plate is, at best, flimsy paper.

Oh, enough talk. I'm heading out to the store even as we speak.

I love a butterball turkey bologna sandwich with some fresh tomato on it. Got some in the fridge now. Im gonna have to give fried pickles a try.

Ya'll eat whatever the heck you want but lunch is almost here, and then I'm almost done eatin' for the day, 'cept for maybe a few garden veggies and salad dressing for a lite supper later on... gotta save room in my belly for my FAV Tuesday meal- the dollar Tuesday Special at my nearby Popeye's! A leg and a thigh for ONE BUCK! I'll get 2 or 3 of'em, along with a large side of slaw and I'll be in HEAVEN all danged day long! I'll be lookin' like that cartoon doggy from back in the 70's that eats a snack then hugs himself and moans & groans and jumps up into the air and ecstatically floats down to the ground light as a feather, into a fat happy nap all curled-up on the ground. Do ya'll remember him at all, or am I having false memories again?

My FIL is using a electric stove that should be in the junk pile.
The metal plates that have the temps on them just spin so its best guess as to what you have them set on. I have seen him smack them to get them to work.
The other day after he shows me how to use the pressure canner he sees his canner looks like its setting funny. The top of the freakin stove had rusted out where the little silver basket sets in the burner! Im hoping this forces him to get a new stove. Knowing him he will rig up something to avoid it. I told him I would be scared to go to sleep at night with that stove in the house. He wonders why Id prefer to cook here and pack it up than cook on that thing..