What are your cooking disasters or someone else's that you sampled?

[dianncy64]

On the thread by Kev: Just like Mama use to make, jfain had an entry that triggered a funny memory of my sister's disaster of substituting tartar sauce for cream of tartar.

My first cooking disaster was when I was quite young~ I made egg salad with soft boiled eggs >yuk< my brother Paul to this day hates egg salad.

Me and my siblings (there are 5 of us, I am the youngest and there is 6 1/2 years between the oldest and the youngest) were home on a snow day and we needed to make lunch ~ I was 8yrs old at the time, and I was in charge of boiling the eggs and making the egg salad ~ I was excited because I was cooking for all of us ~ and in my excitement I wanted to be quick so instead of allowing the eggs to boil for a minimal of 8 minutes, I let them boil for about 3 minutes ~ everyone else was done with their share of putting the lunch together and were waiting on me ~ so..... I cracked open the eggs, added mayonnaise and dill and put in the bowl (my other sister was to actually put the sandwiches together) and when she saw what I made she said she was going to be sick, but my brother Paul was brave and tried it and like I said to this day he won't eat egg salad.

Sad the first time I make anything and I give my brother a life-long aversion to egg salad and I made one sister sick.

They wouldn't let me make egg salad any more after that ~ in case you were wondering

 

[dianncy64]

I have another one too~ and.... it's a doozie too

I am the kind of person that absolutely loves scrambled eggs with cheese sandwich and I always use to put ketchup on it ~ so one day a though >IDEA< "why not save time and just add the ketchup in the egg mixture and cook it that way" {as if 2 seconds to shake ketchup on top of the sandwich was all so time consuming?} any way I actually did this ~ and it didn't look to good but in the back of my mind, food that doesn't look to good is usually quite delicious ~ WRONG THIS TIME~ it was extremely awful ~ one bite and I didn't swallow it ~ it was gross. Imagine if you will ~ RED scrambled eggs with cheese melted in ~ >yuk< My son, then 6yrs old said it smelled like a wet dog!!

I have since become a decent cook but when these thoughts pop into my head, I learned NOT to act on them

I must have a problem with eggs, seems like my disasters usually have something to do with eggs ~ hahahahahaha

 

[jglass]

My FIL made salmon cakes one day and he got the big idea to mix in some of those canned mixed veggies right into the cakes. It was bad lol. Another time he made salad and put in mackeral right out of the can and poured orange dressing. THEN he makes gravy one morning and uses sweetened condensed milk. That was the worst lol.

 

[Cook Chatty Cathy]

Janie your FIL is so funny!!! Reminds me of my Dad somewhat!

 

[jglass]

He had his nose busted in a car wreck when he was 18 and it messed up his sense of smell and taste. Stuff has to have a strong odor or flavor before he can tell much about it. Now you know why I try and do so much of the holiday dinners lol.
It is safer that way.

Like one time he was talking about one of the grandkids cakes being better than his. Then he mentioned he left out part of the eggs and oil to save on fat. No wonder hers was better.

 

[jfain]

My family would have loved this roast. I'm the only one that likes it medium rare. Every Christmas I do a large beef roast. I get a sirloin tri tip instead of Prime rib because my family insists that they will not eat the smallest amount of pink and I'm not going to ruin a wonderful piece of meat over cooking. Well they are happy with the crispy ends and I can usually find a medium rare bit in the middle.

When my dad does burgers he leans on them to make sure he has squeezed out any juice that might be hiding in there. Then when they are black and crispy he cuts one open just to make double sure there is no pink. If so they go back on the grill for more squishing. He thinks I'm a picky eater but I just can't hack this dry burger down. There aren't enough condiments in the state.

 

[Mapiva]

Haha, just watching my father in law cook steak is enough to make any foodie cringe. He's doesn't over cook them but he's a firm believer in stabbing the steaks all over with a fork while they cook. Lucky charcoals!

 

[Cook Chatty Cathy]

When my dad does burgers he leans on them to make sure he has squeezed out any juice that might be hiding in there. Then when they are black and crispy he cuts one open just to make double sure there is no pink. If so they go back on the grill for more squishing. He thinks I'm a picky eater but I just can't hack this dry burger down. There aren't enough condiments in the state.

This is hysterical, and yet so true of so many cooks especially here in the south. I am afraid so many things have been "hammered" into people about the evils of FAT and the possible: lurking bacteria in ground beef and under- cooked chicken, salmonela in eggs, parasites in under-cooked pork, etc.. that some people over-cook in an effort to not eat something potentially life threatening. It truly is ashamed

 

[jglass]

My MIL will buy New York Strip for family dinners but she picks the ones out with no marbling and she takes a knife to any fat along the sides. My husbands stepdad then over cooks them on the grill lol.
Our Thai friend made steak for him and Jon on the grill and a boneless chicken breast for me. He cooked my chicken and the steak for 2 1/2 hours. I covered it with Italian salad dressing to get it down lol. They are obsessed with cooking chicken for hours.

 

[dianncy64]

My mother could NOT cook meat ~ no how, no way. Here is how she cooked pork chops (it's a wonder I ever eat them now ~ I just learned how to cook them)

She would: 1st steam them 2nd dip the steamed pork chops in egg and bread them then fry them 3rd she would then bake them~ Talk about tasteless shoe leather

Once and I mean only once ~ I did this when I was about 9yrs old hahha

Let me set this up first:

On Saturday mornings they would have the Laurel & Hardy show and on one episode they had Stan Laurel eating at a diner and apparently the meat was so tuff that he put it in his shoe to cover the hole in his shoe ............. See where I'm going with this??

So on one night we were having my mothers horrible pork chops and ironically it was on a Saturday night, I picked up my piece and put it in my shoe and got up from the table and proceeded to walk around ~ trust me on this one ~ MY MOTHER DID NOT FIND IT FUNNY (though my father was trying real hard not to laugh) ~ All I can say is it was uncomfortable to sit for about a week

 

[chubbyalaskagriz]

RE to jfain: "When my dad does burgers he leans on them to make sure he has squeezed out any juice that might be hiding in there. Then when they are black and crispy he cuts one open just to make double sure there is no pink."
AND RE to Cathy: "This is hysterical, and yet so true of so many cooks especially here in the south. I am afraid so many things have been "hammered" into people about the evils of FAT and the possible: lurking bacteria in ground beef "

jfain and Cathy, I'm right there with you on the rare/medium-rare beef thang! Ha! I come from a clan of folks who absolutely REQUIRE well done meat. In fact, there ain't a cook in my family who delivers a platter of meat to the table without the words: "I hope I got the meat done enuf" not spilling out of their mouths!

My Dad is the worst- God love'im! He can't even sit next to me in a restaurant- 'cause he can't stomach the sight of me cutting into a pink piece of meat- and God forbid if any red liquid seep out onto my plate- at that point, he has to run outdoors for a breath of fresh air! Ha!

He came up with this old wives tale (which MAY have had some truth in it 50 years ago when in rural areas everyone ate farm-raised animals and wild game, only) that parasites flourished in any undercooked protein.

To this day, I can't get a rare steak out of him when he's in control at the Weber! His idea of a rare steak is this: He stands at the grill that he's heaped a hundred pounds of charcoal into. He douses it with about a gallon of fuel. He throws a match on it, takes a moment to stop/drop/roll to put out the raging flames that have engulfed his torso...

Soon, he throws on the meat. Closes the lid. Stands there. Lifts the lid. Flips the meat. Pokes the meats. Presses the meat. Closes the lid. Again- opens the lid. Flips the meat again. Pokes meat more. Presses on the meat and leans- using his entire weight. (Gotta get tham damned BLOOD outta those steaks or burgers!) Closes the lid. (Steaks are now medium-well, mind you!) Lets them cook another 15 minutes. Opens lid. Flips meat. Presses it more. Closes lid. Another 10 minutes- opens lid. Flips meat and presses again. Picks up every steak, burger or chop and raises it to his eyes. Raises his glasses to observe. Stabs meat-fork into said piece of black shoe leather to check for any iota of moisture. When he's assured each piece is good and liquidless, and devoid of any flavor- he calls to the house for a platter. (Of course the piece of meat that he retrieves from the grill FIRST is the RARE one- because afterall- it's the one that has cooked the least! (Yikes and Yowza!)

My Dad- gotta love'im! Just gotta keep him away from the grill, is all! Hee-Hee!

 

[chubbyalaskagriz]

I've made some mighty fine cooking mistakes and have caused some fantabulous kitchen mishaps in my day! There was the pie pastry that I forgot to add shortening to... the pork roast I put into the crock before leaving home for the day- forgetting to turn the crock pot on!... and the 20 lbs. of prawns I peeled & deveined at home for a huge next-day feed for a gathering- failing to put them in the fridge and somehow, absent-mindedly placing them in a kitchen cabinet, instead- undiscovered until the next day when a strange smell led me to open the cupboard doors to find the stinky source! What made this worse was the cabinet I put the shrimp into was alongside the dishwasher- which ran for several hours that night, really heating up the nearby spaces with all it's steam and heat! (Expensive error!)

One of my favorites was adding all the ingredients for 1000 Island Dressing into the humungous stainless steel bowl of a 50-gallon Hobart mixer in a commerical kitchen. After plopping-in a couple five gallon buckets of mayo, several #10 cans of ketchup and chili sauce, and a few gallons of pickle relish, I failed to remember to check the mixer speed (1 being slowest- 5 being fastest!) I inserted the whip attachment, cranked the lever to raise the heavy, full mixer bowl up, and turned on the mixer. WHOA!!! The last person to use it had it set on 5 (the highest, fastest setting!) and 1000 Island Dressing ingredients were slopping and flying out of that bowl so hard and in such volume that one had to practically wrap themselves in a tarp and wear a helmet & safety goggles to even get close enuf to turn the switch off- or yank the power-cord from the wall! I was COVERED in 1000 Island (felt like a damned wedge salad!)- had to strip, shower, wash my hair TWICE and don a new uniform! I worked at that restaurant for about 4 years and til the day I left, pink 1000 Island stains were all over the white wall and high above on the white ceiling tiles within 15 feet of that damned Hobart mixer! What a whacko I was!

 

[Mapiva]

Wow, a boneless chicken breast on the grill for 2.5 hours? How did he distinguish it from the charcoals?

I have to admit, I love the fat on a steak. I hate steak without fat (filet mignon - no thanks). I never remove fat before cooking (duh) but it breaks my heart to have to remove large chunks of it before eating. I wish I could eat it all but in truth I get a little lightheaded eating too much fat.

 

[jglass]

He had drank so many beers he could have eaten charcoal and not told the difference.
I keep trying to tell my MIL that steak needs atleast a little marbling for flavor and tenderness but they are obsessed with fat content. On one side I have the guy with the busted nose and not much of a sense of smell and on the other I have a woman obsessed with fat and calories lol. Now you guys see the reason I make so much of the holiday meals around here. I love them all but they are not good cooks.

 

[jfain]

Wow, a boneless chicken breast on the grill for 2.5 hours? How did he distinguish it from the charcoals?

I have to admit, I love the fat on a steak. I hate steak without fat (filet mignon - no thanks). I never remove fat before cooking (duh) but it breaks my heart to have to remove large chunks of it before eating. I wish I could eat it all but in truth I get a little lightheaded eating too much fat.

I like a little fat too but my husband won't eat even the smallest bit of fat and he is also in the cooked to death meat fan club. I have finally got him to the point that he likes a little pink in his fillet though. I had to tell him that if it's well done it's probably not done well.

Chubs you had me rolling! My Dad does the same thing leaning on the meat with his entire weight. This is the reason A1 was invented.

 

[jfain]

oh and I just had a disaster yesterday. I filled my cupcake liners too full and got cupcake batter rising up an over to form a ceramic hard coating on the bottom of my oven. Well you know how the rest of my after noon was spent.

 

[jfain]

I always put a thermometer in chicken. Even chicken breasts so I can prove to my husband that it has been cooked enough to kill anything bad even though the meat is still juicy and may even have a slight tinge of pink near any bones. I also like my pork chops a little rosy in the middle. They are much juicier.

 

[Cook Chatty Cathy]

Very rarely will I turn out a meal that I would truly call a disaster, but if I do have an item that is a flop I simply play up the good items, and play down the bad ones. This summer I cooked some eggplant from my garden that I diced and sauted in butter w/ salt & papper, I should have peeled it 1st because it was so bitter I could not eat it, we all kind of left ours uneaten on our plates. It was funny!

 

[Jafo232]

I always try to forget my mistakes lol...

I recently got a convection oven, and was making lasagna and put it on convect roast.. Needless to say, it burned the cheese black as tar.

We always laugh about the time my wife made mac n cheese the first couple times from scratch. First time, she measured the noodles dry, when the measurement was for cooked. It was hard to find any cheese that day.

The second time, she added the eggs while the noodles were steaming hot. The joke around the table was that it would have been a great dish, for breakfast.