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The Sweetest Story I've Ever Told!

chubbyalaskagriz

chubbyalaskagriz

New member
This is the sweetest story I've ever told! I like to call it: "How I Got Even W/ The Telemarketer".

I work nights and sleep days. Normally I get SO many calls from telemarketers during the day that I have to reach over to my bedside and unplug the phone. Sometimes after I wake up I plug the phone back in, check the caller-ID and find that a dozen damn calls came in while I was sleeping! (AGGGHHH!!! And I'm supposed to be on that damned national "DO NOT CALL LIST!)

Well yesterday I re-arranged my bedroom furniture and I like how it turned out. Only trouble is, my phone can no longer be near my bed, so I have to actually get up and walk several steps to answer the phone- or to unplug it. (Boy, was that a mistake!)

Well, still new to this room arrangement, I laid down this morning and forgot to unplug the phone. Just as I doze off the phone rings. My gruimpy azz gets up to answer it. I walk several steps, check caller-ID and it's a number I don't recognize. Just as I'm getting ready to unplug the phone, there's a knock at my door. I put the phone down, quick slip on a t-shirt and go answer it. It's a neighbor, letting me know I have a low tire on my truck (Thanks, dude!). I close the door- go potty, get a drink of water, pet the cats, peel-off my t-shirt, and return to bed. 30 minutes later the phone rings again! (Dammit- I got side-tracked and forgot to unplug it!) Forget it! Voice mail will pick-up in a few rings. I'm too tired to get out of bed again.

Long story short (it's too late for that, isn't it?) the phone rings a few more times and finally I get up to answer it again... It's the SAME number as before and I am PIZZED!

I answer it. It's "Miss Mary-Alice" from such-and-such and she wonders "if you realize that the warranty on your car has recently expired and wouldn't you enjoy the peace-of-mind of purchasing an extended warranty that will protect your car should something go wrong?" I fight the urge to reach thru the phone and place my hands around her neck! Instead I say- "you're right Mary-Alice, I'd like to buy a million dollars worth of your product, please."

She slowly says- "well that's an awful lot of warranty, sir".

I say "yes- but you've called me 5 times this morning, so your warranty must be real nice- and I'd like a million dollars worth, please."

She says "well sir- our warranties don't cost a million dollars."

I say "Well, then, I'd like to buy one for myself and then several gift-warranties fro all my friends and family... A million dollars worth, please."

There's a period of silence.

Pretty soon she asks "Could I verfiy your telephone number, please? I say "sure" and give her a number different than the one she called and reached me at. She then asks- can you say that again, please? I then give her still another different number.

She puts me on hold.

Soon, she returns and says she'd like to verifiy which product I am interested in. I say "All of them. A million dollars worth, please."

She says she'd like to mail me some info- could she please have my mailing address? I give her my former work address in Alaska.

She asks to verify my telephone number AGAIN. I give her yet a third number.

She asks to verify my mailing address AGAIN. I give her yet ANOTHER DIFFERENT address.

She puts me on hold AGAIN.

Soon "Miss Diana" picks up the line and calls me by MY FIRST NAME (I hate this!) as though we're long-lost buds! She asks to verify which product I'm interested in. What is my phone number. What is my address.

She doesn't appear to like any of my answers.

She says "Sir- we'll mail info about our products- please call us back when you recive it so we can discuss them."

I assure her I will.

Five minutes later I call the number on my caller-ID and when "Mr. Eric" answers I ask for "Miss Mary-Alice". When "Miss Mary-Alice" answers I ask her if I can confirm which address she'll be mailing her info to me at. She recites it and I ask if we can change the zip-code. I then ask to be transferred to "Miss Diana", and do the same with her.

Five minutes later I dial their number again and again ask for "Miss Mary-Alice". This time "Miss Mary-Alice" is busy and cannot make time for me. I ask is "Miss Diana" is available? She is. And she wants to know HOW SHE CAN HELP ME. (I think she's starting to resent being bothered at work).

Now it's after 3:00PM and I presume "Miss Mary-Alice" and "Miss Diana" call 5:00PM quitting time. So sometime soon I will call just to check-in with them again before their day is over.

I also wonder if they work on Thursdays? 'Cause I'm gonna wanna call and see how they are tomorrow too. Afterall, I feel as if we'r'e friends now!

I can't wait to have a million dollars worth of warranty coverage. I'm gonna feel SO friggin' safe and secure!

Whoever said that joy from revenge was an empty, pointless emotion?
 
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I don't blame you at all for doing this - heck - I would have done worse!

I am on the do-not-call list - but I still get them.

One thing I would have done different - I would have been much more honest with them. I would have told them that my counselor approves of me buying it because at the home they say its nice to get things - it lifts our spirits. And I would have given the phone number and address of some psycho ward - probably from Hatfield, Illinois (?) - remember the movie Halloween?

And I would have given them my doctors name - Dr. Bates. Norman Bates. Same addy and number - just can't remember the extension.

And I really need it because my psychiatrist said I would be out in 4 to 5 years if the treatments work and I feel much safer knowing I have the coverage.

Then I would ask for them to please call me back - it gets lonely in a cell by yourself. The others that are on my floor go to the game room and they make a lot of noises and it hurts my head so I can't go there anymore.

And I wouldn't hang up until they promised to come and see me - I like to get company - but no one wants to come near me because of the sores that are all over me.

(BTW and off the subject - I posted a recipe for dressing)
 
I love telemarketers. It's the only opportunity I have to be rude to somebody.

What I really like doing is confirming that I have their name correctly, and the name of the company. I then point out that they are breaking the law.

Typical conversation:

"Excuse me."

"I said, you know you're breaking the law."

"No I'm not."

"Oh, yes you are. I'm on both the national and state level no-call lists. And you will be reported, both corporately and individually, for knowingly breaking the law."

"Click!"

I always like the approach supposedly originated by Sienfield. He'd ask for their home number. They's say, "we're not allowed to give that out." He's say, "oh, but I have to have it." They'd say "why." And he'd say, "so I can call at abouyt 12:30 tonight and continue this conversation. You don't mind disturbing me, I just want to return the favor."

Click!
 
Ha- you're a trip, mama! My own real mama suffers from mental illness (though she's not quite at the Norman Bates level!) so I could reach back in my memory and pull some of her stunts on these damned telemarketers! You offer some fantastic quirky ideas that I just might just need to try out! Brook, you too! Cathy, maybe I'll have you all over for supper some night and we can just sit around afterwards waiting for the phone to ring and take turns answering it? What a hoot that'd be, huh? We'll make it pot-luck, and I'll supply the telephone! Hee-Hee! (once we're unleashed, those baztards ain't even gonna see what hits'em!)
 
I had a telemarketer call me - I told her off - her number showed up on my ID box - and I didn't think anything about it. I hung up on her - she called me back and hung up on me.

I went to infospace.com - reverse lookup - working out of her home -

got her name, and addy - called her several times - then she called me again - I called the company she was working for - got her fired

was it cruel?

SHE bothered me - I told her I was on the do not call lists - told her not to call me again and hung up

SHE called me back and hung up on me

she started it - I finished it

pizz me off - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
 
Good for you Mama ! I'm on the no call list too and it irritates me to no end when they call.
 
The ones that get me most are the ones who pretend you are on their customer list.

Let's see: Never heard of the company, never bought any of their products, but I'm a customer. Just a way to circumvent the no-call lists.

For them I reserve rather unladylike language.
 
Me too, Brook! Normally I'm fairly-well-behaved. But when riled, I can cuss buckets. And one of these days some poor unsuspecting telemarketer is gonna hear things that's turn'em ten shades of red!
 
I don't think so, Kevin.

I doubt if there's anything you can say that would embarrass those people.

True story: I once told one of them, in these words, "could you call back later, I'm right in the middle of f....ing my girlfriend" (I told you, they're my only chance to be rude). And she said, "yes, but, being as I have you on the phone......
 
Well, Brook- see... that's where you went wrong. How u expect to turn a telemarketer red-faced without involving some sort of FOUR-LEGGED LIVESTOCK in the story?
 
I Love all the stories to funny! lol :p I have never been a telamarketer. I often wonder what it would be like. Cookie :)
 
COOKIE IT WOULD BE THE MOST HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE JOB IMAGINEABLE! MY DAUGHTER WENT TO WORK FOR ONE OF THOSE COMPANIES WHEN SHE WAS A YOUNG TEENAGER. SHE BROUGHT HOME ONE OF HER PHONE CALL TAPES THAY THEY MADE HER BRING HOME EACH NIGHT AND LISTEN TO WHILE SHE WAS IN TRAINING AND OH MY GOD I WAS IN TEARS BY THE TIME I GOT DONE HEARING IT:mad:!
 
RE: "I often wonder what it would be like. Cookie "

I have a friend who jokes that he has two jobs- by day he is a telemarketer, and by night he is a stable-boy who hauls buckets over-flowing w/ stinking, steaming crap out of horse stalls. He lives for the day when the horse-farmer can give him more hours so he can quit his filthy, disgusting day-job! Hee-Hee!
 
I personally like the Jerry Seinfeld approach:

"Oh, sorry I am busy at the moment, can I have your home phone and I will call you back later?"

"Oh, you can't give out your home phone.. You probably don't want people calling you all the time huh?...uh huh.. Now you know how I feel.." CLICK..
 
The Operator will be with you hold on.

If you can hear this message press#1 when you hear this press #2 please. Did you hear that OK: confused : Press #3 now OK hold on for a moment :rolleyes:
the operator will be with you. :D Cookie :)
 
This kinda reminds me of another funny Seinfeld episode... (wait- they're ALL funny- Ha!)

It was the one where Kramer is still miffed that the year prior his cable company promised to be at his apartment to install cable either between 8:00AM and noon- OR between 2:00PM and 6:00PM on a Thursday... and Kramer stayed home waiting all those hours and then no one ever showed-up... nor did they call. So a whole year later, he's contacted the cable co. for a service call... and he hides out across the hall at Jerry's place looking thru the key-hole, cracking up everytime he sees the cable guy return to his door and knock- just to find no one at home. He's really finding it hilarious that he's able to get back at the cable dude this way! Of course he handles it all in complete non-gracious, yet HILARIOUS style, and it's such a ticklish episode to watch!
 
go whistle shopping and buy the loudest dang whistle, truck horn or foghorn you can - try for decibels that will deafen them for life - and let them have it (use earplugs)

just be careful if they call back - they may have one for you - so check your caller ID and answer with a louder whistle
 
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