I have an older sis who is only in her mid 40's. She has abused her body so badly she has to live in a nursing home. Her lungs are pretty much shot. I begged her to stop many years ago and so did everyone else. I heard the same line from her about doing what she wanted. Your not gonna change their minds. I wonder what will happen with people like my brother and his wife who are so addicted to smoking when the goverment starts regulating exactly what goes into them. My husbands brother and his wife are just as hooked. I hear that from a lot of people but I also know alot of people who have put down cigarettes cold turkey and never picked them up again. My parents abused my older three brothers and sister. That abuse has made them all three very self destructive and they dont even see it.

Atleast I can give him a meal that hits the spot and let him know I care.
Besides all of us foodies love to see someone enjoying the fruits of our labor

I'm glad your brother has you, janie. How wonderful. The story you shared was warm and touching. I wish him PEACE.

Everyone offers some great insight and even helpful advice. And I know it comes from a caring and warm place. And I know it's difficult to watch someone do things that you know are destructive...

But when it comes down to it- everyone does what they do for a reason. Smokers get something from smoking. Fat people (like me) get something from over-eating. Folks who chew their fingernails get something from that. Folks who over-spend feed some need in themselves by that behavior- shoppers, too. Addictions are destructive. Are there better ways to deal with whatever it is the food is helping with? The cigs? The over-spending? Absolutely.

But does everybody do something destructive that they should not do- that's potentially unhealthy or dangerous or destructive that they should try to find a way to stop? Probably. Smoking, or being fat is just a very physical, obvious thing that everyone can SEE. Some of the other dysfunctions many have are easily hidden.

I'm not saying we should give-up, or justify our own addiction by saying "Well, everybody does something destructive!". But pointing at folks doesn't work as well as most tend to think it does. Shaming people fails every time. I know- I'm fat. Why point it out? Smokers know smoking kills- so why waste our breath on the words? Let's challenge ourselves to find REAL and practical ways to help- if we even care to at all.

I've lost 100lbs. three times in my life. So DON'T tell me eating half a banana and Special K for breakfast is healthier than eating eggs & bacons and a donut. I might just know more about healthful eating than YOU do. Like w/ many things- it's proll'y most effective to lead by example. No one ever is humiliated into making healthful choices- at least I never was.

What MIGHT work better is to try and coach folks toward better ways of dealing w/ stress. Or abuse. Or memories of a painful childhood. Or of figuring out better ways at recognizing one's true potential, or their self-worth. Or of addressing/overcoming great fears. Or of wrestling w/ various types of victimization. Or of relinquishing weakness and gaining stength... These are all reasons why some of us do the things we do. Some of the personal reactions we have... the personal coping devices we've each held onto for comfort, and to simply get thru the day.

I challenge everyone to look within and find THEIR destructive trait/habit that needs work. We all have them. Even the healthy. Even the skinny. Even the smart. Even the young. Even the rich. Even those w/ smoke-free breath. Even the successful.

QUESTION: Do YOU have a vice that you should proll'y give up? Might it even harm or kill you?

I don't mean any of this in a hyper-critical way to any of us... they're simply just things that came to mind as I read janie's initial post... One final thought- a quote from Abe Lincoln: "It has been my experience that folks w/ very few vices also have very few virtues.".

Mine is diet coke. I really wish I could stop drinking that stuff. I know it's not healthy and I have tried many times but that stuff is really addictive.

Mine is chocolate.

Kev for some reason I was moved to tears as I read your post. It was so eloquently stated and I must thank you for such a beautiful and thoughtful reply. God Bless you!!!

Your friend, Cath