That's always a rough situation, Janie.

Personally, I take a situational ethics approach to this. In plain English, that means, it depends.

In the circumstances you describe I would do exactly what you did; keep my mouth shut and eat enough to be polite. The one thing you don't need, with family, is a feud over something like that. You are not going to change them, and if you get adament about it they'll only resent you.

In those circumstances, if asked, I might say, "they're ok. Not the way I would have cooked them, but everyone's taste is different." If they pursued it after that I would tell them how I'd have cooked it. If not, I would just drop it.

On the other hand, if it's people I know well, who are trying their best, then I might bring it up; either directly, or along lines Mama suggests.

There's a young couple we know, for instance. We all but raised the boy. As a youngster he used to ask, "don't you cook anything normal?" Now he's well on his way to being a gourmet cook. At their house I wouldn't hesitate to say so if something was wrong or not to my liking. With them, rather than resentment, it would lead to a discussion about ways to prepare whatever.

The situations that get to me are the "what do they really mean" ones. That is, you're invited to friends who you know see you as a great cook. And they ask, how was the such & such? What you have to determine, very quickly, is, are they asking because they want to know? Or are they asking because they want your approval? Those are different questions that require very different answers.

The other end, as Chubby can tell you, is when people don't invite you unless they're doing "gourmet," because they don't realize that, like everyone else, we go to dinner parties because of the people, not because of the food. And that fried chicken and cole slaw, served at the right gathering, is as fine as it gets. The problem with being a passionate foodie is that friends often think you're not satisfied with anything excpt top shelf. And that's far from the truth.

As a general rule, over the years thru MUCH trial and error I have learned that cooking is like darned near everything- most folks don't know how to receive even well-intentioned, politely-delivered criticizm, so I feel it's best to hold back. Almost always- but especially when in doubt I will freely lie my azz off about food that is less than edible! Afterall, remember, most every mama of ours raised us with the lesson: "If you can't say anything nice..."

Part of this comes from my growing up in a family where everyone was a severe critic. One could make a platter of PB&J's for my family and the whole bunch would rip apart whomever made them- finding a half-dozen things wrong w/ the stack of sandwiches. It's the weirdest, most dysfunctional thing I've ever seen. It's always bothered me to no end! In fact, it bothers me so, that these days I rarely go to trouble or expense at all to create meals for my family- for they're simply not appreciative enough of the care, time and money that goes into them.

My tribe would sooner have a bucket from KFC than anything remotely gourmet (though, even a trip thru a drive-thru isn't as easy & painless as it should be for this group... one must be careful to include both original AND extra-crispy, as well as bone-free strips & nuggets to accomodate all the wacko preferences... and one also must remember that they prefer the cole slaw from across the street at Popeye's rather than the Colonel's, and for those who don't like KFC's instant mashed potatos we must also get potato salad! See what I mean? Ha!).

Bottom-line for this guest, when it comes to being honest about food that someone makes for me? No matter how it tastes- I am always appreciative. As a pro for so many years, many folks didn't feel comfortable cooking for me, much. They knew I often worked at fancy places and most suffered from feelings of inadequacy when feeding me food from their own kitichens. Often I heard stories from co-workers invited only to pot-lucks or to dessert-parties, and sometimes their feelings were hurt when they learned someone held a dinner and invited them only to the movie or ballgame that took place after the eating was over. So, I always worked hard to put the cook at ease and to show my appreciation of the time, trouble and expense they went to for me- and more often than not, my feedback was genuine. Very rarely did I find myself lying thru my teeth! And on those occasions when a white lie was told, in the long-run telling the lie saved a lot of heart-ache!

I prefer air on the side of caution and be polite too. Im lucky all of the people I cook for prefer good old southern cooking which is what Im best at.
If the rest of the family were foodies then maybe I could approach the subject of preparing things better but not with Jons family. His Mom is kinda funny about that cause she knows I kinda replaced her at his Dads as the cook for family get togethers. They got divorced the year before Jon and I got married.
I was debating should I say anything about the steak and I was thinking I should be grateful for steak period but you know what..I would rather have one on my tender roasted chickens than a dry piece of new york strip any day.
My younger sister is more like me. She would prefer you were honest and shared with her how to prepare it better. Jons Dad has trouble even hearing the pitch of my voice. He worked around heavy machinery for years and where Im higher pitch he has trouble hearing me. I have to remember to try and talk in my big boy voice around him lol.
Those two kill me with trying to cut so much fat. Its like I made the ham for the holidays for several years then their Dad wants to make it one year. Everyone always bragged about mine ..I make it very typical with the brown sugar/honey glaze. I cut off some of the fat but you have to leave some for taste and to make sure the ham is moist. Their Dad thought it should all be cut off.
His Dad got a cheap pressed thing and cooked it with nothing on it. It was bad..no one said a word about it. Next year I was back on ham AND turkey and have been ever since. I know he only did that cause he was trying to see how it was without the added glaze and minus the evil fat layer.

Their Mom used to be a great cook from what they say but she doesnt cook often now and when she does she alters her food to cut out the fat so much she zaps out the flavor. Cooking skills are something you need to use..cant pull them out 3-4 times a year for a full out meal and expect to be on top of your game. His Dad had his nose busted in an accident when he was 18 and cant smell much or taste well so atleast he has an excuse lol. Im gonna just have to take him dinner one evening but make it all breakfast food and show him you can use turkey sasuage and still make delish gravy.

Now the Thai friends Mom wants to teach me to make her eggrolls. Which Jon says were his fav til I started making them. I found a recipe online and tweaked it to our taste. Jon goes just tell her you make them on your own and take them some of yours. I was like no freakin way lol. Ill go for my lesson and love every minute of it and thank her very much when were done :o

Great story, janie! And good for you!

I absolutely love Asian food, so the eggrolls you describe sound yummy, janie! I also love fresh spring rolls.

Asiain cuisine is a style I never wanted to learn to cook myself though, rather, I've chosen to let it remain a mysterious enigma so that I can enjoy it more when I dine out and order it in. I have a friend who's offered to share her sushi-rolling expertise, but I always opt out for that reason... Weird, huh?

Many chefs are the same way w/ baking and chocolate work- they love eating it all, but prefer not to know a thing about how it's actually done- to keep it "magical", I guess!

I would love to broaden my skills and learn to cook asian food.
Always making southern type food makes me want to try something totally differnt some days.
I know Im not patient enough to roll sushi lol.

When they first mentioned teaching me to cook some Thai dishes they thought I couldnt cook anything. I could tell from the way they talked to me about cooking they didnt think I could do anything in the kitchen. I made a point to take the Dad some homemade bread, soups, chili & roasted chicken. NOW they know Im not a total imcompetent in the kitchen lol. I have to stay on the Moms good side..she is my fish sauce supplier lol.